The following letter is one I wrote to my son. Although I never sent it, I wrote it as a tool to help heal from the pressure, grief, and sadness I was feeling. I really wanted to reach out to him but found it was hard to say anything. What do you say to your son when you find out he violated a treasured moral? Being a loving mother is not easy and although my son made choices I would have never dreamed the challenge to accept what choices he did make and still show him the up most love and respect unconditionally.
To My Dearest Son,
I wish this letter to bring you peace, love, and forgiveness.
I am asking for your forgiveness. I owe you an apology. I pray you kind find peace in your heart to forgive me.
Please forgive me for running away, for not accepting you, for not giving you what you needed. I manipulated you and tried to make you something you are not.
When I was a little girl, I was abused. I grew up thinking that this is why I was to be here, to be abused. I know in my heart there is a better life, but I felt like no one in my life wanted it, all what was wanted was blame, resentment and judgement of each other's hurts, sorrows and choices. Only I am responsible for the pain I have caused others including you.
I realize today son there has been much pain I have caused to you.
When I was 13, I was so lost and abused. I tried to kill myself. I couldn't take the pain. I became full of anger that I tried to escape. Killing myself would help me escape, but I lived!! After that I believed my only way out of my pain, was to create my own family. That is when I had you. I always knew your dad wasn't going to be around. I used your dad to have you. If I had a baby, I could mold him into the love I was searching for. I truly believe this and it happened, but only for a short time. I was 17 when you were born. I was immature, lost, made bad choices. I didn't take care of myself. I did drugs, had sex with guys who didn't care about me, all the time I kept searching for someone or something to fix me. I just knew you were going to be the one to fix my pain. But it never happened. I was not good to you. I made you responsible for my pain. I never wanted that, it is true,I allowed it to happen.
My delusion of how life was and should be only spiraled, creating more delusions and dragging people into this reality creating more lies and havoc and more pain. And then I had Chris. Chris was going to be the one to save me. But guess what, He didn't. I brought Chris into this world with the same set of circumstances as I did with you.
Once again my crazy thoughts of creating life on how I thought it was supposed to go back fired. You rebelled against it. you knew that my delusions weren't real and I couldn't take your trying to teach me that. I didn't see. I didn't see you teaching me. I saw you taking your own flight and it hurt cause your plan, your flight, your path was not apart of my plan. My original plane for love. I used you and abused you. Not intentionally. I have been living a lie for a long time. My parents taught me to live this way and in return, I taught this to you. I taught you to search and create lies.
For the last 10 years, I have been grieving for the son I thought I should have. Instead of being grateful for the son I do have. I forgive you Taylor. I forgive you Taylor.
I was selfish in not supporting you in what you truly needed, My unconditional love. I have loved you since the day your were born, with conditions. I have love you conditionally and I believe the lie that it was unconditional.
I have created such a mess that the creation has weighed me down. This is why I haven't moved forward in life. I blamed others for not seeing my delusions. In reality others have helped me see this and have helped me see my lies.
I can no longer hold you responsible for my pain. I know that it is not right for a mother to have this of her kids, and if I don't come clean now with the lies, I will never be the same again. I have to be honest with you and myself. When I go back to where all this started, I did not realize what I was doing. I didn't realize how much pain I caused. I was not a good mother and I am very sorry for my actions to you.
Now, I am learning on how to create truth, love from my heart and not from a place of brokenness and hurt.
I really do love you. I love you.
Let me tell you what I mean when I say these words;
I love you means to me there is an actual place in my heart for you. A light. That I have allowed you to be connected to me, to be connected to my heart. With this connection, there is a source that runs form me to you. With this connection from source I allow you to live your life freely, without judgement. I allow you to create your own.
I love you means I would do anything for you without being attached to the outcome of situations or experiences.
I love you means I will allow you to make your own choices. I am not responsible for your pain, your anger, your choices. Love means to me that we are not bounded by what we choose. Love is a creation. We choose to create love.
I love you means in the midst of my pain, you will ALWAYS BRING A SMILE TO MY FACE.
I love you means your are not responsible for my choices. Only I am responsible for my choices.
I love you means that I let go of the past, stop worrying about the future and only focus on right now. Now is all I have. I don't have yesterday or tomorrow. I only have right now.
I love you son more than you will ever know. Thank you son for giving me the gift of you. Thank you son for showing me the truth about life. Thank you son for letting me see the light.
I really wish life did not have to go the way it did, but it did. It went that wat and there is nothing I can do to change the past. Only my awareness can allow me to choose a better story for the future. It is up to me to choose to create love.
Your forever in my heart,
Mom
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Sometime between June and July Two Thousand Thirteen
Mom,
Well I got your letter last night and I just wanna say it put a pretty big smile on my face as well as my heart to know you were thinking of me! I was trying to write you but Brandee gave me the wrong address so I kinda gave up on it cuz we don't talk no more and I haven't got any kind of mail in almost 2 months.
Well I just wanted to send you the letter I was gonna send you on mother's day and this short letter to say thank you for thinking of me.
Also I got court on Aug. 1st to try to settle my case. I'm not gonna tell you how much time I'm looking at cuz I don't want you to get scared and I'd appreciate it if you don't tell anyone my court dates cuz I don't want anyone to come.
Well I hope to hear from you real soon. I hope you like the drawing and the poem.
Love you son,
Taylor
P.N. Can you ask Chris and Ryan to write me please?
Well I got your letter last night and I just wanna say it put a pretty big smile on my face as well as my heart to know you were thinking of me! I was trying to write you but Brandee gave me the wrong address so I kinda gave up on it cuz we don't talk no more and I haven't got any kind of mail in almost 2 months.
Well I just wanted to send you the letter I was gonna send you on mother's day and this short letter to say thank you for thinking of me.
Also I got court on Aug. 1st to try to settle my case. I'm not gonna tell you how much time I'm looking at cuz I don't want you to get scared and I'd appreciate it if you don't tell anyone my court dates cuz I don't want anyone to come.
Well I hope to hear from you real soon. I hope you like the drawing and the poem.
Love you son,
Taylor
P.N. Can you ask Chris and Ryan to write me please?
May Twelfth Two Thousand Thirteen
Mom,
Well it's been 5 months since the last time I seen you or talked to you. And I have to be honest I had no real intentions on talking to you again. But as time passes, things change and people do too......
For the past couple of weeks I've been really debating and battling back and forth mentally on whether or not to write you and if I did, what would I say?......
Well here's my conclusion,
You know ultimately I don't agree with the choice you made that day at the hotel that took me away from my daughter. But as the months pass by and each day I sit in my cell, I tell myself it's my fault I'm in here. It's my fault I'm not with my daughter and it makes no sense to be mad at you cuz you thought you were doing the right thing. Since I first got locked up when I was 12 you always told me "You do the crime, you do the time" and my Grandpa Trini always told me "A real man faces his problems. he don't run away......In this case I was trying to run away from doing the time.
I can't even begin to say how stupid it was of me to start doing drugs and especially under the influence while I was with my family, but if it means anything now......I'm sorry for involving you in any of this mess...I'm sorry for blaming you for any of my mistakes. I'm sorry for ever calling you a bitch and most of all I'm sorry for not being the son you've always wanted. Cuz I'm a straight fuck up! A spitting image of my dad and even worse I fell right in his footsteps and I couldn't break the cycle. Now my daughter has to live without me as I did my dad, but I only have myself to blame for that.
With so much to say with only a little piece of paper, it doesn't feel possible to be able to explain how much I truly am sorry. I don't want you for one minute to think "Well he's just saying this because he's locked up and he wants people to feel sorry for him cuz only part of it's true. I am saying this cuz I'm locked up but isn't that why people get locked up? SO they can have time to think about what they did wrong. I've got all the time in the world to think about what I did but I don't want anyone to ever feel sorry for me, cuz I can do this by myself. Honestly, I'm not even asking that you write me back I just wanted to let you know I truly do love you and no matter what I do or what the circumstances maybe, I will always be your son and you will always be my mom!It's taken the real man inside of me to forgive you for what you did so I'm putting a lot of faith with hopes that you forgive me as well.
My main purpose for this letter is to let you know I love you and I'm sorry for everything!
I truly do hope to hear from you again!
Love your son,
Taylor O.
xoxoxoxo
P.N. Happy Late Mother's Day and Happy late birthday too Grandma!! :D
Well it's been 5 months since the last time I seen you or talked to you. And I have to be honest I had no real intentions on talking to you again. But as time passes, things change and people do too......
For the past couple of weeks I've been really debating and battling back and forth mentally on whether or not to write you and if I did, what would I say?......
Well here's my conclusion,
You know ultimately I don't agree with the choice you made that day at the hotel that took me away from my daughter. But as the months pass by and each day I sit in my cell, I tell myself it's my fault I'm in here. It's my fault I'm not with my daughter and it makes no sense to be mad at you cuz you thought you were doing the right thing. Since I first got locked up when I was 12 you always told me "You do the crime, you do the time" and my Grandpa Trini always told me "A real man faces his problems. he don't run away......In this case I was trying to run away from doing the time.
I can't even begin to say how stupid it was of me to start doing drugs and especially under the influence while I was with my family, but if it means anything now......I'm sorry for involving you in any of this mess...I'm sorry for blaming you for any of my mistakes. I'm sorry for ever calling you a bitch and most of all I'm sorry for not being the son you've always wanted. Cuz I'm a straight fuck up! A spitting image of my dad and even worse I fell right in his footsteps and I couldn't break the cycle. Now my daughter has to live without me as I did my dad, but I only have myself to blame for that.
With so much to say with only a little piece of paper, it doesn't feel possible to be able to explain how much I truly am sorry. I don't want you for one minute to think "Well he's just saying this because he's locked up and he wants people to feel sorry for him cuz only part of it's true. I am saying this cuz I'm locked up but isn't that why people get locked up? SO they can have time to think about what they did wrong. I've got all the time in the world to think about what I did but I don't want anyone to ever feel sorry for me, cuz I can do this by myself. Honestly, I'm not even asking that you write me back I just wanted to let you know I truly do love you and no matter what I do or what the circumstances maybe, I will always be your son and you will always be my mom!It's taken the real man inside of me to forgive you for what you did so I'm putting a lot of faith with hopes that you forgive me as well.
My main purpose for this letter is to let you know I love you and I'm sorry for everything!
I truly do hope to hear from you again!
Love your son,
Taylor O.
xoxoxoxo
P.N. Happy Late Mother's Day and Happy late birthday too Grandma!! :D
Sunday July Twenty Eighth Two Thousand Thirteen
Mom,
I send you the most love imaginable with the purist of wishes that this letter comforts you in the ways I wish I could.
I want to first apologize for writing that letter to you. It's just living like this isn't easy everyday. I try to tell myself it's going to be okay when it isn't but that don't mean to take it out on you. So how are you doing? How have you been? Are you working? If so, that's good. Tell Grandma I love her and miss her.
As for me, I've been decent. Brandee came to visit me with Neveah which was the best ever although her Mom (Martha) kept pushing to leave which kinda made me mad, but I can't blame her.
You know as short as the letter/cards are that you send me they happen to be the most heart warming of all! You know its hard to imagine what you truely feel but honestly I admire how strong you are, cuz I know for a fact it ain't easy being the mom of a failure. Not only have I let you down but I let all of you down including my daughter.
One of the hardest things I've ever done was Forgive not only you for having to make decisions you thought were the best and maybe weren't but myself as well. And I did it recently. As much as you didn't know how to be a mom. I don't know how to be a dad. All the times you felt like giving up, I feel those now. But little do we know that When we give up today, we give up tomorrow, when we need to give up the past and move forward. So this is it, me giving up the past.....I'm sorry please forgive me as God has and continues.
Being little I never did learn how to be a man, but now I know a part of being a man is admitting your faults,
accepting responsibility and moving on and I learned that from being here. I don't think you'll ever believe me but I don't expect you too.
So I go to court on the 1st and trial Aug. 26th. I hope to hear from you before trial. An actual written letter would be nice. But as for now I'm at a loss for words.
Well I love you and take care.
Sincerely your son,
Taylor O.
I send you the most love imaginable with the purist of wishes that this letter comforts you in the ways I wish I could.
I want to first apologize for writing that letter to you. It's just living like this isn't easy everyday. I try to tell myself it's going to be okay when it isn't but that don't mean to take it out on you. So how are you doing? How have you been? Are you working? If so, that's good. Tell Grandma I love her and miss her.
As for me, I've been decent. Brandee came to visit me with Neveah which was the best ever although her Mom (Martha) kept pushing to leave which kinda made me mad, but I can't blame her.
You know as short as the letter/cards are that you send me they happen to be the most heart warming of all! You know its hard to imagine what you truely feel but honestly I admire how strong you are, cuz I know for a fact it ain't easy being the mom of a failure. Not only have I let you down but I let all of you down including my daughter.
One of the hardest things I've ever done was Forgive not only you for having to make decisions you thought were the best and maybe weren't but myself as well. And I did it recently. As much as you didn't know how to be a mom. I don't know how to be a dad. All the times you felt like giving up, I feel those now. But little do we know that When we give up today, we give up tomorrow, when we need to give up the past and move forward. So this is it, me giving up the past.....I'm sorry please forgive me as God has and continues.
Being little I never did learn how to be a man, but now I know a part of being a man is admitting your faults,
accepting responsibility and moving on and I learned that from being here. I don't think you'll ever believe me but I don't expect you too.
So I go to court on the 1st and trial Aug. 26th. I hope to hear from you before trial. An actual written letter would be nice. But as for now I'm at a loss for words.
Well I love you and take care.
Sincerely your son,
Taylor O.
Sometime Around January 2012
Dear Mom,
I am very happy to hear that my letter had brought you happiness. I hope and pray this letter brings you the same amount of Joy! :)
Well I don't have very much paper left mom so I'm going to write Chris's letter on the back. Anyways just to let you know if my baby is a boy his name will be "Christopher Nathaniel" Haven't decided the last name yet but if it's a girl "Neveah Alizea", lol! The boys name is my idea but the girls name was hers, lol hahaha. I wanted to name my son after my lil brother. :)
Anyways I wanted to let you know that money orders are no longer accepted. You can send money online or buy a package. The website is mycarepack.com or excardandkiosk.com I like soups, lol. :) Tell Grandpa Bob I love him with all my heart and I'm sorry for not contacting him at all! Soon I'ma be out and put an end to all this kid behavior and you guys are always on my heart and prayers! As for a paternity test for the baby, mom isn't acceptable. Brandee isn't the type to lie about that plus she has already told me about her "sleeping around" and she only did it cuz I cheated on her first. But it's okay. :) Ur only being a concerned mommy! Yeah I gotta buy my food :( Well they only give us two meals which isn't enough for a grown man come on now.
Yes I will draw you a picture but in my next letter cuz I don't got very much time till mail check or paper, K. :) I love you tho and ur always on my heart and mind mom. Sorry I didn't get to write a lot but I will next time I promise.
Love your son,
Taylor
P.S. I go to court on Jan. 30, hahaha ur b-day! and should get sometime in May just before my baby to be born. :)
Monday, November 25, 2013
Somewhere around the first Week of January 2012
Hi Mom,
I send this letter with the most of my love and nothing but happiness.
Sorry for it taking so long to write you back, it's really hard to come across paper :( Brandee hasn't been able to put money on my books and you already know my dads answer......
But anyways happy late New Years to you mom. I pray that you had a nice one. :) It was just like any other old day for me tho. Besides we got to watch the ball drop. No biggie but "Happy 2012" My New Year's resolution is to get out of the mess, get a job and give all to my baby!! I can't wait, I'm so fricking excited!!
Brandee told me she sent you a pic? She said the baby was a mean muggin and it's got some big ol' feet.....Yup! That's my baby :) Hahaha, lol anyways if you talk to Ryan tell him I miss him alot and to hurry up and write me cuz I wanna talk to him about some things. Why did he go to Adobe? Do you know what unit he was in?
Oh yeah, so you know Brandee picked that middle name. Hahaha it has nothing to do with the other Nate, lol. I haven't heard form him in years either. I hope you are able to make it down here for the big day. That would mean the world to me and Brandee. :) She goes to her next appointment on January 30th.
Yes I still do my music. But I've passed the stage of writing songs and now kinda perfected the form of freestyle. I wrote a couple of songs a while ago, but thy are for Brandee. One is called "Pretty Girl" and the other is almost done it is called "How far will we go?" "Pretty Girl" still needs work tho.
I just wanted to state real quick mom, that I was just thinking about everyone in my past who always told me something I've done just completely the opposite. You know it's not that I don't listem, it's just that I've always wanted to find out for myself. You know how it is sometime said that you really never know unless you can experience it for yourself. Well I now know what kind of life I will be living if I don't change cuz I've experienced it! And with all this, it's going to make me a better dad! Why? Cuz I've experienced not having a dad. I will no longer feind for drugs. Why? Cuz I experienced what its like not to have your family around and my son or daughter is not going to experience that at all!! I am an active gang member today because of decisions I chose to inflict upon myself. I know it hurts you with all your heart to hear this but at the same time please remember I am a grown man, I make my own decisions and regardless of what I do or who I am, I know you will always love me, you may not respect it! But I ask you to please accept it. Cuz it was my decision and a choice I am still experiencing and that I do not regret with that I am going to end the conversation with saying I am sorry! I know it make you uncomfortable to think about it but is just apart of who I wanna be.....Also just because of I am that, doesn't mean I don't wanna change! I still do and am going to change!! Nothing is going to stop me from being in my babies life and taking care of my baby because I have God on my side and he is all that I need!
Anyways, I know right!! It's crazy thinking I am going to be 20! Hopefully I will be able to be out on my b-day. If not I guess its just something to grow from and all I can do is hope that I'll be out next year. :D
Well I am extremely tired mom so I'ma go to sleep now but I just wanna let you know that I love you a lot and I am praying for you. I hope you get a job soon too. :)
Love your son,
Taylor
P.N. Tell Chris I love him but am very upset with him..I wish he would have wrote me and that he let me down cuz it made me feel like I wasted paper that I don't have when I could have wrote more to you mom. I know he is young but please express to him that being continuesly mad at someone for something that happened yesterday won't change today but forgiving makes tomorrow!!! I know you will be able to break it down to him for me. I love you.
I send this letter with the most of my love and nothing but happiness.
Sorry for it taking so long to write you back, it's really hard to come across paper :( Brandee hasn't been able to put money on my books and you already know my dads answer......
But anyways happy late New Years to you mom. I pray that you had a nice one. :) It was just like any other old day for me tho. Besides we got to watch the ball drop. No biggie but "Happy 2012" My New Year's resolution is to get out of the mess, get a job and give all to my baby!! I can't wait, I'm so fricking excited!!
Brandee told me she sent you a pic? She said the baby was a mean muggin and it's got some big ol' feet.....Yup! That's my baby :) Hahaha, lol anyways if you talk to Ryan tell him I miss him alot and to hurry up and write me cuz I wanna talk to him about some things. Why did he go to Adobe? Do you know what unit he was in?
Oh yeah, so you know Brandee picked that middle name. Hahaha it has nothing to do with the other Nate, lol. I haven't heard form him in years either. I hope you are able to make it down here for the big day. That would mean the world to me and Brandee. :) She goes to her next appointment on January 30th.
Yes I still do my music. But I've passed the stage of writing songs and now kinda perfected the form of freestyle. I wrote a couple of songs a while ago, but thy are for Brandee. One is called "Pretty Girl" and the other is almost done it is called "How far will we go?" "Pretty Girl" still needs work tho.
I just wanted to state real quick mom, that I was just thinking about everyone in my past who always told me something I've done just completely the opposite. You know it's not that I don't listem, it's just that I've always wanted to find out for myself. You know how it is sometime said that you really never know unless you can experience it for yourself. Well I now know what kind of life I will be living if I don't change cuz I've experienced it! And with all this, it's going to make me a better dad! Why? Cuz I've experienced not having a dad. I will no longer feind for drugs. Why? Cuz I experienced what its like not to have your family around and my son or daughter is not going to experience that at all!! I am an active gang member today because of decisions I chose to inflict upon myself. I know it hurts you with all your heart to hear this but at the same time please remember I am a grown man, I make my own decisions and regardless of what I do or who I am, I know you will always love me, you may not respect it! But I ask you to please accept it. Cuz it was my decision and a choice I am still experiencing and that I do not regret with that I am going to end the conversation with saying I am sorry! I know it make you uncomfortable to think about it but is just apart of who I wanna be.....Also just because of I am that, doesn't mean I don't wanna change! I still do and am going to change!! Nothing is going to stop me from being in my babies life and taking care of my baby because I have God on my side and he is all that I need!
Anyways, I know right!! It's crazy thinking I am going to be 20! Hopefully I will be able to be out on my b-day. If not I guess its just something to grow from and all I can do is hope that I'll be out next year. :D
Well I am extremely tired mom so I'ma go to sleep now but I just wanna let you know that I love you a lot and I am praying for you. I hope you get a job soon too. :)
Love your son,
Taylor
P.N. Tell Chris I love him but am very upset with him..I wish he would have wrote me and that he let me down cuz it made me feel like I wasted paper that I don't have when I could have wrote more to you mom. I know he is young but please express to him that being continuesly mad at someone for something that happened yesterday won't change today but forgiving makes tomorrow!!! I know you will be able to break it down to him for me. I love you.
Sunday, November 24, 2013
November Seventh Two Thousand and Thirteen
Mom,
First off I really want to apologize for not writing you back and please don't think I was doing it on purpose. It's just I was Anticipating on going to Prison, I didn't want to write you, then you write back and me not get it, so I wanted to wait til I settle down. Now here I am, lol.
I'm doing good. I don't have an exact out date yet but I will in about 2 months or so. I don't know if you know yet but I got blessed with only 7 years and 1 strike with 85%. I already had 9 months down but they gave me 2 year credit, so at the end of the day I'll end up doing close to 5 years. To me it's not much but honestly kinda bothers me that I'm gonna miss that much of Nevaeh's life. When I get my out date I promise to let you know. I won't lie to you though, It really is a blessing to go from 89 to life to 7 years if that. So how have you been tho? How is Chris and Ryan? What have you been up to? Have you been working? How is Grandpa Bob? How is Grandma Kayrene?
As for me I'm doing good. Adjusting is and always has been pretty easy for me but I still with to hear from you as well as Chris and Ryan. You know it's not easy doing this along mom and I know you can't fin the things to say to me sometimes or if you do, it may not be the best. But all I ask is that you tell me whats really on your mind. We are both adults and the adult way to handle anything is to talk it out, so it it's good or bad just let me know please.....One thing that hurts more than not having a good relationship with you is not being able to talk to you without letting things I did in the past effect us today. So if it's not to much to ask please work with me....Let me know what it is your are expecting to see from me. What can I do to be a better son to you? What can I say to better our relationship as mother and son. The reason why I bring this up is because it kills me to know my own mom is ashamed of her own son. I want to make it better. I need to make it better. And if I can find it in me to forgive you, then I have faith in god that you can forgive me too. If God can give me my life back then I know he can give us our relationship back. It means so much to me because I love you mom and I really am sorry for the stupid stuff I've done in the past.
I really hope you believe me and don't see it as me trying to bullshit. Well I really hope you write me asap. Oh yeah try to at least write a letter please. I love the cards but it'd mean more if you wrote me.
Well I'ma let you go for now. But I love you mom and I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you and hope this letter brighten's your day.
I love you.
Love,
Taylor
P.N. Tell Chris and Ryan to Write me please.
First off I really want to apologize for not writing you back and please don't think I was doing it on purpose. It's just I was Anticipating on going to Prison, I didn't want to write you, then you write back and me not get it, so I wanted to wait til I settle down. Now here I am, lol.
I'm doing good. I don't have an exact out date yet but I will in about 2 months or so. I don't know if you know yet but I got blessed with only 7 years and 1 strike with 85%. I already had 9 months down but they gave me 2 year credit, so at the end of the day I'll end up doing close to 5 years. To me it's not much but honestly kinda bothers me that I'm gonna miss that much of Nevaeh's life. When I get my out date I promise to let you know. I won't lie to you though, It really is a blessing to go from 89 to life to 7 years if that. So how have you been tho? How is Chris and Ryan? What have you been up to? Have you been working? How is Grandpa Bob? How is Grandma Kayrene?
As for me I'm doing good. Adjusting is and always has been pretty easy for me but I still with to hear from you as well as Chris and Ryan. You know it's not easy doing this along mom and I know you can't fin the things to say to me sometimes or if you do, it may not be the best. But all I ask is that you tell me whats really on your mind. We are both adults and the adult way to handle anything is to talk it out, so it it's good or bad just let me know please.....One thing that hurts more than not having a good relationship with you is not being able to talk to you without letting things I did in the past effect us today. So if it's not to much to ask please work with me....Let me know what it is your are expecting to see from me. What can I do to be a better son to you? What can I say to better our relationship as mother and son. The reason why I bring this up is because it kills me to know my own mom is ashamed of her own son. I want to make it better. I need to make it better. And if I can find it in me to forgive you, then I have faith in god that you can forgive me too. If God can give me my life back then I know he can give us our relationship back. It means so much to me because I love you mom and I really am sorry for the stupid stuff I've done in the past.
I really hope you believe me and don't see it as me trying to bullshit. Well I really hope you write me asap. Oh yeah try to at least write a letter please. I love the cards but it'd mean more if you wrote me.
Well I'ma let you go for now. But I love you mom and I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you and hope this letter brighten's your day.
I love you.
Love,
Taylor
P.N. Tell Chris and Ryan to Write me please.
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